Ok So I honestly don't know where to start this post or why or if I should even write it.. I have read a few posts about infertility and I feel very inspired but when I think about writing my own I get nervous and what not, I am not good with words, I don't like people to know my business and do people really even read my blog, other than the couple people that I know of. :)
Oh well ready or not I guess here I go...
Garet and I just celebrated our 6 year anniversary!!! With being married that long and not having kids, especially being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints aka Mormons or LDS we get the question A LOT of what you're Mormon and you don't have kids? or When are you going to have kids? or all those dumb questions that I HATE!!! I know people don't mean anything by it and I sometimes make the mistake of thinking or asking those same questions.
I always knew it would take me a bit to get pregnant, 2 of my sisters have had miscarriages and I just assumed my experience would be similar.. first mistake.. assume.. we all know what that mean! I had been on birth control for years, I am very irregular and it was keeping me "on track". Anyway, after a couple years Garet and I decided to get off birth control and see what happens and if we get pregnant then great and if not well its only the first year of trying its not a big deal. A year later Garet finished nursing school so we decided to go see an OB/GYN and start clomid. The first pill didn't do anything, the second did nothing as well so he put me on 3 pills, clomid only goes to 5 so being on 3 was a lot of hormone which meant a crazy me. Poor Gar, I had more person alities, hot flashes and mood swings then anyone should have to endure in this lifetime. I was getting positive ovulation's with the 3 pills but still nothing happened. I was doing OPKs (ovulation predictor kit) and taking my temperature which never spiked but I was getting positives on my opks. When the Dr decided.. "well you were supposed to be pregnant by now, we should do testing" (my sister was seeing him but is fertile myrtle and was pregnant) me: "well I am moving next week" him: "oh well when you get a new doctor tell them to do some testing". Gee Thanks!
We move to Fort Rucker Alabama and I wanted to just see what my body would do without the hormones and kind of get settled in and get insurance all figured out. We were on tricare reserve select but now we are on TriCare Prime which means everything you do has to go with your PCM(primary care manager) or get a referral. I heard a lady doctor in Dothan (about an hour away) was great and had worked with a few of my friends so I got a referral to see her. I went in and she did an exam on me and had me do blood work and started me on Femara (like clomid but not so crazy) and Provera to induce a cycle. I went back to see her about my blood work and it turns out I have PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) and hypothyroidism which I have had for years and been on medication for so that was no news to me but I had never really heard about PCOS. (If you are interested you can google PCOS). After months of Femara not working I got a phone call from my mother in law... her friends husband who they go to church with happens to be a reproductive endocrinologist at BAMC (brooke army medical center) in San Antonio where my in law lives. I got a referral to see him so I saw him and he talked about our options, ovarian drilling, IUI or IVF. He upped my synthroid and did more ultra sounds which are sooo NOT fun especially when your ovaries are larger than normal. We were going to try and get an IUI in but after giving myself shots and me being a "slow grower" it wasn't going to happen.
So we discussed ovarian drilling.. yes it sounds awful but it is where they go in laproscopic through my belly button and 2 incisions above my pelvic bone, they go in and cauterize parts of my ovaries to get rid of some of the cysts and hormones. I scheduled the surgery and bought the tickets for October. Well everything went wrong right before I was supposed to leave... I broke my upper left lateral tooth and was flipping out so I called and got in to get it fixed the next day which happened to be the day before I was to leave for Texas. I got back from the dentist and felt awful.. I was getting sick. I flew to Texas the next day had appointments Thursday, Friday and surgery Monday. I was feeling HORRIBLE!! I went in for the surgery and then they said Oh were sorry we wont put you under anesthesia since you have an upper respiratory infection (they didn't know what was wrong with me yet, I just had an awful cough) so I started crying and ended up paying more money to fly back to Alabama. I ended up having pneumonia.. Oops!! I didn't feel very good about the surgery in October so we rescheduled the surgery.
Ok ok this is dragging.. sorry! December 7th was when I had the surgery. Garet gave me a blessing and I felt SO GOOD about the surgery and the whole time I have felt AMAZING about the surgery. I recovered quickly and I feel great! The percentage that this surgery will get me to function right and hopefully ovulate and get knocked up is 70% which is pretty good. I take Metformin for my PCOS, synthroid and prenatal vitamins. Now is just the waiting game, I feel really good about the timing and how everything has worked out. I still have the normal things that come with not being or getting pregnant. I am still happy about others getting pregnant, it is a true miracle!! Do I cry, feel guilty, ask Why? You bet I do! I know that things will happen in His timing, and I know He knows what I am going through. I am sorry that this post has dragged on and I congratulate you for reading it..lol :) I did not write this for sympathy or anything like that, I have been told having support is the best thing that we can have and if people don't know what were going through how can we have support?! If you have questions or comments I would love to read them but please please please do not be rude. Thank you for all you do for us!! Much love!!
7 comments:
I have been wanting to ask you about the baby thing for about the last year, but since Tyson and I CHOSE to wait 6 years before starting our family (it took us a year to get pregnant), I figured I shouldn't assume anything with your situation.
But hello - infertility sucks. I didn't really "struggle" with it, but my sister sure did. After ten years of marriage they finally got their first after IVF. 2 years later they got their second through IVF and then 2 years later she got pregnant on her own... and then miscarried. And I have a hard time with it. A really hard time with it.
Anyway, why am I even telling you this? I have no idea. But fingers crossed that you will be pregnant soon and then you will come out to Utah with a baby belly and want me to take maternity pictures of you. :)
Way to go chica for braving the scary topic of infertility and blogging about it! Your faith is admirable regarding the Lord's timing; I've questioned that many, many, many times so your hope and faith inspires me! Good luck with everything that will happen in 2013! I hope it's everything you want it to be. :)
You are wonderful! You know I am always there for you. I'm glad you decided to talk about it publicly. I know we have had our conversations together but its good to share experiences with others because we don't know who may need to hear it. And sometimes its good to just get it out. You are a better woman then I am. I cannot wait to see you again!
Thanks for sharing Andrea. I love your honesty and your faith is inspiring! I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for all of us! Even if it is nowhere near what we had planned for ourselves, you will be blessed for your faith in Him and His timing. Love you!
You are amazing!!! I love you girl. I don't know what to say but that Heavenly Father loves you and so do we. XOXOXOXO Thanks for sharing that.
It took Dan and I seven years before getting pregnant with our first one. The constant questions are the hardest. I would want to slap, punch, yell but that wouldn't help the situation so I finally just learned to say "We are ready, we are just waiting for the Lord's timing" and most people got it. I think what helped me the most is being honest and accepting it. Knowing that I'm not being punished or anything like that. Being able to talk about it helped me deal with it so much more. I have friends who also were having a hard time and refused to talk about it even with their mom. My sweet mom tried to comfort me one day by saying "I know what you are going through. It took us 6 months to get pregnant with you." That one I did go off on. Luckily my mom loves me and is forgiving! Just know that you are never alone and that so many people love you! You have so much to offer in the mean time. I decided to lose myself in service and would go to the temple as often as I could. I found so much peace and comfort there. Hugs and Love!
Thank you so much for all of your sweet words! They mean so much to us! Love you all!!
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